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Hello from the crypto future!

2022-03-26 11:49:11 +0000 UTC

Hello! 👋🏻

I am writing to you from the future 🚀, where crypto reins supreme 🤑. I wanted to share how its going (spoiler alert: it’s absolutely revolutionary!!!)

I bought my groceries today with crypto. How amazing is that? Never before have I had an all-digital way to purchase physical goods. I mean there was credit cards, and digital wallets. But those were all closed-source and commercial and backed by federally-regulated fiat currency 🤮. Now my grocery transaction lives in a public ledger for all eternity - how cool is that!? No middleman, no intermediary - complete financial independence.

Well, I mean, we still use a crypto exchange. You see, my grocery store and I use different coins, so we have to go through an exchange to make my money mesh with the store’s money. But that is a small price to pay for truly decentralized finance. The exchange only takes 1 or 2 percent of the transaction! Nothing like those greedy credit card companies.

There is talk of somebody creating a coin that would be accepted throughout the whole country by all vendors! We’re very excited about the prospect of a currency that can be used everywhere. How useful would that be?! I still remember when I had to enter my 16-digit card number on sites - how archaic! Now all I have to do is enter my 16-word crypto wallet password to access my funds.

Yesterday was voting day. It was an historic moment which marked the first election in the United States with all votes recorded on a blockchain. The results were clear, indisputable, and publicly verifiable - and our candidate won!

Unfortunately half the country did not like that result and decided to create a fork which showed their candidate as the winner. Now each party has their own chain that shows their candidate won. Thank god for triple-entry accounting 🙏, it really made it obvious what is true, and what is false. Of course, the people on the fork don’t agree with us, so we will have to come together and talk with words to resolve our disagreement, just like the pre-chain days 🤮. It might involve some compromise when it comes to interpreting the immutable blockchain records. We are all eagerly looking forward to merging the fork back to the main branch in the near future so we can agree on a common source of truth.

In other exciting government news, our city council now uses the blockchain to manage public records 🏢! We used to have public records that were searchable on some boring .gov domain, but now we can search through the blockchain records to audit our government. Let me tell you, it is much more thrilling this way. The only downside is that gas fees have become so high that it costs $20 just to schedule an appointment at the DMV (appointments are also on chain). Toll roads have also gone up 300% because all the record keeping is on the blockchain too. Our city’s carbon footprint has exploded too, which set us back a few decades in our carbon-neutral goals. But it’s a price we’re all willing to pay because now our license plates are NFTs and that is just cool as hell.

Life for us normal folk is much better too. My neighbor is unbanked and really appreciating all the benefits of the new crypto world. Previously, when my neighbor went to a bank to get a home loan, they were denied due to lack of credit. Once they got on chain, they went straight back to the bank. But, the bank still denied their loan because their credit indicators haven’t changed (dang!). They asked for a personal loan on the chain, but there weren’t any individuals who were willing to accept the personal liability, so they still couldn’t get a loan. Luckily, they were able to create a crypto GoFundMe and raised funds through public donations, and it is all tracked on chain! Crowdsourced crypto; now that’s what I call progress! Proof that the market always self-corrects 🦾.

Something that surprised a lot of us (even me!) is that there is a lot less violence these days from drug cartels. It used to be that the cartels needed to be bullies in order to control and launder their money. Now they launder money in public using NFTs, so there is no need to shoot people ⛔️🔫. Win win!

Unfortunately, we’ve had to trade some of our real-life violence for virtual violence. Now when somebody wants to threaten you, they do so by adding a block with their threat. That makes it pretty hard to ignore! Sadly, some depraved jerks have even gone as far as posting revenge porn on the chain too. That really sucks because there is no way to take it down (long live the chain!). In the past people could file complaints and the host could take it down but now undesirable content just stays there forever. We might need to fork it soon.

On the other hand, an absolutely amazing side-effect of doing everything on chain is that there’s no more fraud! Of course, people still fall for phishing attacks, have compromised credentials, and lose loads of money. But that isn’t fraud, that’s just human error. We can see exactly where their money goes, and knowing is half the battle 🧠. In the past, when fraud happened we were always chasing shadows. Now we’re chasing public hashes - so much cleaner for everybody.

As you can see, the crypto future is going great. Really, almost every aspect of society has either gotten better or been completely revolutionized! Have a question about the crypto future? Drop me a line!